I'd liken my family to be like the elements...
My brother is like Air
My father is like Earth
My mother is like Fire....
And as for me, I am Water.

I'll start off with this, why am I Water? Well, I've found that most of my characteristics can relate with Water. You see, water is the most affected one out of all the elements, because it is so adaptable. For instance, water changes into ice when it is cold and it turns into steam when it is hot. However, these changes can only occur according to the environment that Water is in. Water never does things out of its own volition...this element molds itself with its surroundings.
I find myself to be quite similar to Water. I rarely am at odds with the people surrounding me, because I more often than not, can go with their flow ( no pun intended). So I find it funny when people say that I "never change", because on the contrary,  I just naturally adjust myself to your liking, and yet I am always changing to fit someone else.
With these characteristics in mind, one can see that Water is very similar to Air. Both elements are lucid and neither one is naturally an obstructive element. But there is a distinct difference between the two. There is nothing in this world that can clearly define Air. Air is Air. It is element that fills in the "empty" spaces in our world. Yet, no one can grasp it, no one can contain it. Where as Water, can be contained because of its adaptability. You can put Water in a bottle, and it will take that bottle's shape. But, of course, if you put Air in that bottle, it will still be the same as it was outside the bottle.Therefore, Air is the most difficult element to understand, for most people, because it is everywhere.
That is why, those who have characteristics that are similar to the Earth element, have so much trouble with Air.
Earth and Air, are natural opposites. Earth, in some cases is the easiest element to understand, because you can grasp it and it is limited. Earth is simple, it is hard and not easily broken down. Earth and Air are at odds most of the time, because Earth has a foundation, and it cannot contain the Air. However, Earth can contain Water. I'd like to think that both elements complement each other at times. Yet, Water gives more to the Earth, than the Earth will ever realize. Water allows the Earth to permit growth.
As for Fire, this element is, of course Water's natural opposite. Surprisingly, both elements are quite similar, but their differences usually override their commonalities. A trait that Fire has that Water does not have, is the fact that Fire is unpredictable and it cannot always be contained. The Air and Fire relationship is essentially the same as the relationship between Earth and Water. And just like Water, the Air gives more to the Fire element. In some cases, the Air allows the Fire to grow and there are other times when Air can blow out the Fire.
However, in my case, I think the Fire usually boils me up. But there are some instances where I can douse the Fire too.
It's interesting, no matter the differences between each other,  the elements can live in harmony. None of them can exist with out all of them.  That is how I usually see my family....I just wish that we can live a little bit more harmoniously....

But first... I really need to get over my own insecurity, because just like Water....I need to find a way to live on my own volition. Water needs another element to allow it to take an action. It needs its surroundings. And as much as it would like to be like Air. It can't, because unlike Air, when Water is on its own it is nothing...I only hope that someone can understand that about me.

Lately, I've been feeling like crap. I was feeling great last week, and I was sure that I wouldn't have any problems. I was getting things done, planning out what I should do next, so I could prepare for the upcoming days. Yet when it hit the middle of the week, I began to feel like something bad was going to happen.
I believe it all started after my small conversation with an aquaintence of mine. She was battling with a cold during that Wednesday morning. She was telling me how much she hated being sick. I said I knew how she felt, because when I was younger I got sick quite often. Then I added, that I was fortunate that I haven't sick at all this year. About an hour after talking with her, I was in health class. I was feeling a bit stuffy, and I thought it was just me reacting to my allergies again. I brushed it aside hoping that my runny- nose and my sore throat would would feel better the next day.
Now it was Thursday, unfortunately I realised I was beginning to get the symptoms of a cold. Well, I thought it wasn't too bad, but I was wrong. While I was in class, I would have to get up and head over to the tissue box every five minutes. And every other second I felt like I was throwing out my lungs. I've been through these symptoms before. This feeling wasn't unfamiliar to me, but I can tell you it was quite irritating.After a while, someone suggested I should probably head to the nurses. Yet, I continued to say "no" because I could handle these syptoms. Though, what I couldn't handle were the chills that began to run up my spine. After that, I felt prompted to take up on the suggestion of going to the nurse. I stayed in the nurses office for about twenty-minutes, but I just couldn't handle how cold I felt. I finally decided to head home, even though I was reluctant to go. After a number of calls, and with no one picking up at home, I was faced with only the choice of walking home. At the time I didn't realize it, but I was walking home with a fever.
For the next two days I was battling with a fever. Then during the weekend I was faced with a very bad cough and cold. When it finally hit Monday, I felt that I would feel much better if I stayed home and fully recovered. Yet I realized I would never get anything done. I went to school for the rest of the week. Until it hit Wednesday again.
Today, I felt probably the best I've ever felt in the last couple of days. Once again I was wrong. During french class (which was the same class I was feeling sick in, the week before) I felt nauseous. I asked my teacher if I could go to the bathroom. I thought it was just the heat, so I went in there hoping to wash my face. Instead I ended up going to one of the stalls and throwing out my breakfast. It felt like deja-vu, because I was walking home again.

I decided to post something up, since it's been a while. It's really late, almost 1:00 in the morning, but I don't mind, I did sleep four hours before.
Well coming back from spring-break, which was disappointingly uneventful, I'm actually some what glad to be back at school. To be honest,that week off felt like a really drawled out weekend. But, that break did give me time to get a few things off my chest.
It's probably not that important yet, but I have been thinking about what I want as a career when I get older. Before, I had this notion of becoming a big-shot movie director, but then I realized I didn't have that much passion or skill in this area, and watching a movie looks more fun than making one. Then I began to think about what makes a movie so enjoyable. And it's the story. So maybe writing was better suited for me. But I frankly do not have the patience to sit down and come up with a good plot. So instead I opted for something a little bit more demanding. And only one word came to mind: journalism.
I miss writing articles like hell. I miss the scent of freshly printed newspaper, and the smudged ink you get on your fingers when you hold one in your hands. It may sound odd to people, but it really is an awesome feeling when you know that your hard work and thought provoking words being published to the public, even if it is on cheap recycled paper. The feeling gets even better when you get feed- back on your work. And your heart stings a little when you see it crumpled and littered across the floor. Yeah, I miss it a lot.
But, as much as I love writing the news. I don't think I want to become a journalist for current events or entertainment. My interest lean towards history and culture. So I want to become a journalist for National Geographic. That has become my dream. I've always wanted to travel to exotic places across the world, and of course I love writing! It's like the perfect career. ;)
Oh gosh, I should probably finish up homework right now.I'm getting sleepy like usual. Why do I always write these so late? Anyways, Good-night!

" Terrible Tuesdays" or so I've heard. A week ago it was my birthday, and today it's just hell. Actually for the past four days it has been hell. Frustration and stress has seeped into the air like a contagious disease. My entire family has caught it, and today I finally feel the affects. I'm emotionally drained. The only emotion that I can possibly feel right now, is utter contempt for everything and anything that happened to pass my way. I wouldn't give a damn about what you said, or how you're doing. I could care less, because right now I don't have any empathy....

... Oh, for the love a God, I wish I could honestly feel that way right now. I am emotionally drained, that part is true. I'm tired. Yet, despite my fatigue, I mostly feel sypathetic towards myself.

Why?

Because deep down I loathe myself to an extreme extent. But because of that hate, I learn to love a part of who I am with the same degree.

Today's my birthday! I turned 15, and to be quite frank,it feels no different than being 14. Oh well, I really don't expect much. Actually, my birthday hadn't even crossed my mind until most of yesterday evening. I was more concerned of what to get for Christine's birthday than to think about my own. Plus, my birthday had been the last thing on my mind. A lot of stuff has happened over the last few weeks. My grandmother, who I was hoping to meet during the summer, passed away...But during the same week she died, a new baby cousin was brought into the world.

I guess the saying really is true, " For every death there is a birth"

I've also been busy trying to get community service hours and credits for my senior year. Yea, I know its early, but.... why wait? I'd rather get a head start than wait until it all piles up on me, which is a habit I'm still trying to grow out of. Plus, I've been studying a lot more. I've been in the school library maybe every other day during lunch, and sometimes during tutorials. The reason why I've been hitting the books so much is because next years classes are already up. I want to get in the best classes there are. Yet, I've never been a straight 'A' student. I've had 'A's and 'B's and a couple of 'C's on my report card, and maybe even a few 'D's. But never a full line of 'A's...at least not since elementary school.

Well, this is all I'm willing to give for now. I'll probably continue this some other time.

I just came home an hour ago from a sleepover. It was me and my friends' annual New Year Party. Starting last year me and my close friends Jordan and Felicia, always celebrate the new year together. Apparently, since all three us had something to do on December 31st we decided to kick off the new year a day early. So as we counted the 10 sec. left of December 30th (off the TV Guide channel)we got our air horn, our box of party poppers, and seven to ten cans of silly string and ran down the driveway. We were ready to piss off the entire neighborhood.
Of course, we woke up the next door neighbors and a few occupants on the street turned on their lights. And the occasional late night driver would slow down to watch our ridiculous antics, as we celebrated our early New Year. We knew that every stranger that awoke last night were all asking the same question in some way or form : " What the hell are they doing?"
But we just didn't care what other people thought that night. To us it just didn't matter, as we pranced happily on the street. I'm sure some people thought we took in a few shots before we started our fun in the front yard, but no alcohol passed our system the entire night. We were purely high off life. The stingy cold made our cheeks rosy and the sight of our breath puffing under the street lamp's light was refreshing and thrilling all at once. As we began to wind down from our excitement, we cleaned up and went inside to toast our cider-filled glasses. A few hours later of mind numbing television, we decided to go in the backyard to observe the stars and constellations. The backyard furniture were wet with morning dew, so instead of sitting on the trampoline like we wanted to, we decided standing would be more comfortable. For about forty minutes Felicia and I had a thoughtful conversation on life's mysteries and Jordan would come out and join us, but when she got too cold she would go back inside and warm up.
Around 4:30 - 5:00 AM was when Felicia and I decided to head back in. All of us were craving some comfort food so we cooked some ra-men up and warm cider to fill our stomachs. After that we that the night began to mellow out and the morning sun was already rising. It wasn't until 8:00 in the morning was when we all finally fell asleep. This certainly was an interesting year. I know when winter-break is over life will either be a little bit more difficult or a little bit easier. But for right now all I want to do is get some extra sleep... ;)

Well Christmas has finally come, and once again I can't seem to get myself to bed. Although, Santa doesn't give me presents any longer... I still can't help but feel the excitement that only Christmas morning can give you. There was only one present underneath the tree for me this year. But, I'm fine with that. My dad is home this Christmas and that is the best present that I could ever ask for. To be honest, I can't really think of anything I want more than that for Christmas. I could ask for a new cell phone, an i-pod, or something...but, those gifts won't compare to what family can offer you. Sure, those material gifts can please me for a time, but the love and support you receive from your family is unconditional and I would choose that over anything else. Although, this Christmas was not as extravagant as last year's or the years that have past... I know that this year will probably be one of the most memorable Christmases I have ever had.

Today I went over to a local elementary school for community service. The sun was setting over the hills, a signal that night time was approaching. But that doesn't mean school was out for some kids. There were still those after school programs for the children that would not be picked up until the evening. I was supposed to help out at the arts and crafts table, but instead I spent most of my time playing with the children. I mean...come on, holiday crafts are fun...but they're not as fun as hide and seek tag, kick ball,and tickle fights. It was fun, but I wasn't doing my job, and of course I wouldn't be getting my hours either. So I crawled and pulled my self away from the pile of fifteen to seventeen kinder gardeners, and walked over to help a little boy named Ethan on his holiday stocking. He sported a bright yellow shirt with Power Ranger icons printed on the cloth. Ethan was a bit timid, it was no surprise to me because I was shy when I was his age. I tried making him feel more comfortable by asking what he wanted from Santa Claus this year. His quiet reply was," I just want toys." And a warm smile of understanding covered my visage. Its hard trying to pick a toy from Santa each year. There are so many it's difficult to choose your favorite. As we made his paper stocking, we talked about who was our favorite superhero and who our favorite Power Ranger was.By then Ethan was laughing with amusement. I was happy to see him smile.
It was then that I knew children really are a blessing. The innocence and happiness that they exude can only bring a smile to one's face. It's hard trying not to laugh along with a giggling child because when it all comes down to it, the child in you just wants to have fun too. No matter what age you are, whether your old or young, in the end the inner child is timeless.

Lately, I've been feeling a bit lonesome. I'm not sure why I feel this way...but as the holidays come around I become more reminiscent. Although, I am very excited that Christmas is just around the corner, I can’t help but have glum memories of past years. Plus, I miss my friends terribly because I don’t see them as often anymore. Going to a different school, away from almost everyone you felt comfortable with... is a new experience for me. I don’t regret choosing to go to another school. Some of the reasons I chose to go somewhere else is because I wanted to meet new people and to see if I could adjust in a different place.
But now I look back at it, and I miss every moment I shared with the people I have come to know and cherish...
Life is difficult...
And time just keeps pushing forward...